back to square one. i must say im one contradictory ass motherfucker. first im one of the first people to get on the blog phenomenon(back then i had a livejournal) when it was still fresh, then i decided blogging was lame and deleted my account and bottled up my muse altogether. but i can now realize the cathartic properties of putting your words on paper/screen, even if nobody ever sees it but you. so here i am again.
back at what can only be described as my updated livejournal, only this time i'm a little more adamant about its purpose and the possibilities if i play my cards right.
so i apologize if too much of my personality comes through in my writing, i appreciate it when authors project their virtual selves detatched from their personal lives, and a sense create an entire new persona. this conflict with expressing the truth makes a social art such as journalism all the more difficult to wrap your head around. you never quite get it, but your working knowledge is akin to our own constitution... a living document, able to be changed and/or modified.
i read an article in XXL about nas, where (paraphrasing) he explained that he was happy to be so contradictory, because it makes him human. and if the human element if my writing is what is going to make it successful for me, is it wise for me to deny the reader that? am i better or worse at the craft for it?
i don't know if any of this matters, anyhow. my audience is small and distinct: people who for some reason find me interesting enough to read my prose. and i get the feeling this small section of society will tire of my words soon enough.
i wrote on my facebook page (which i promptly deactivated... again) that life is a perpetual disappointment machine. i recognize my tendency toward hyperbole for the sake of distinction, but sometimes it truly feels
"...as if i'm nothing more than a hamster in a wheel..."